Teeny Tiny Love

Can't Get Enough

I've lost all motivation to do anything but this.

Sweet Slumber

Everyone Wants to Hold Baby

Daddy x 4

Going Home

Luke wearing the same outfit his 3 older brothers have all worn home from the hospital. 

The Best Sound in the World

I had a check-up with my OB mid-morning on the 17th. He and I discussed a few things most importantly what his schedule would be like for the next day. I was still at a 1 and 60% effaced so it didn't appear that anything was going to change very soon. However we were heading into the weekend and my doctor was going to be going out of town until Sunday. We went ahead and scheduled an induction for the following Wednesday, the 23rd. I made sure to tell him that I go from a 7-10 in about 30 minutes and I reeeeallly didn't want to wait on him to start pushing. ;) I told him with Sam I had had to wait for him because the nurse didn't believe me when I told her that. He said we'd make sure that didn't happen this time. Good man.

I left and went to Kroger. We were hosting a glow in the dark Easter Egg Hunt on Friday and I needed to pick-up a few items, and it was St. Patrick's Day,so obviously I had to get stuff for reubens.

On my way home, Janel called and asked if I was nesting yet. Nope. I had no desire to clean anything. I'd done a pretty good job with stocking the freezer, but that was about it. We talked for a few minutes and then I had to let her go. I spent the rest of the time that I had before picking up the boys from school cuddling with Sam on my bed while he watched the Good Dinosaur, and I read photography articles. I put Sam down for a nap and headed to get the boys.

While driving home from getting the boys (about a 20 minute drive), I noticed I was having contractions, not unusual, but they felt different. I noticed they were definitely in my lower back. Crap. I called Patrick to give him a heads-up "just in case, " but told him I was going to drink some water and lie down when I got home to see if they stopped. However upon arriving home I was about to lie down when I thought, "I can't lie down. My house is a mess! If this baby is coming I have got to clean!" Thus started the cleaning marathon. I scrubbed toilets, mopped and vacuumed floors, washed windows, got all the laundry done, folded, and most of it put away, started on dinner, but my contractions became INTENSE so I had to lie down and have Patrick takeover. I had a few more intense ones and then got up to pack a hospital bag. Still hadn't done that yet, oops. I texted Mom and Holly to let them know. That I was pretty sure I was in labor and stay close to their phones.

We told the boys that I was probably going to have to go to the hospital to have the baby. They were excited and nervous, me too. We said family prayer. They asked lots of questions. So much excitement! They were worried we would just leave them at home with no one to watch them. Seriously? They have so little faith in us sometimes. Patrick promised that they were our first priority and we wouldn't leave until someone had come, whether it was Aunt Holly or Nonna and not to worry. The whole time I was thinking speak for yourself, buddy, I'm not having a baby at home, and I'm definitely getting an epidural. ;) I remember kneeling down in prayer with my 3 boys and good husband, I think Patrick offered the prayer, but I'm not certain, and I don't recall what was said. I just remember pleading with Heavenly Father that all would be well and I would return home to these boys. The older I get the scarier it some things seem.

I still hadn't heard anything from Holly at 7:30 and was starting to get nervous. I had tried calling a few times, and told myself if she doesn't call me back by 8:00, I'm calling Allison. I tried calling her one more time a little after 8 and she answered and said "Sorry!" and that she would be right over. phew. When she got here, I decided maybe I should sit down to make sure I was really in labor. I sat down and we chatted. Holly suggested I download an app to keep track of my contractions. GREAT IDEA!! We finally left close to 10. I was pretty certain I was in labor, I was just really worried they
would say go home.

I was all hooked up to the monitors by 11 and was at a 3 showing definite signs of progress since that morning. They told me they'd monitor me for an hour and then call my OB to see what he said. When they checked me again I a had dilated to a 4 so thankfully Dr. Chesney said to keep me. They started pitocin and I got my epidural shortly after that. That was painful. I have never had one that hurt, but that one...something wasn't done right. Once my contractions became more regular and painful I could definitely tell something wasn't done right. My right side was still feeling lots of the pain. The epidural had taken the edge off, but I was still feeling all the rest of it. Dr. Chesney came in and broke my water around 1 am thinking that would really speed things up. Nope. Finally around 5:30 I was feeling more pressure. They started to prepare the room and by 6 it was time for me to push. Dr. Chesney came in and made some jokes. I remember thinking it was funny but being so nervous about having a baby that I didn't really laugh or feel like talking. Isn't that weird. My fourth baby and I was on the verge of tears. I'm not sure why. I don't know if I was just scared at the idea of all that could happen, if it was the realization that this is probably my last baby and last time to do this, if it was just the final kicker in the tough pregnancy with so many scares....I'm not sure. I just remember trying really hard not to cry. I pushed maybe 5 times and we had a baby LUKE! I saw his beautiful head and heard his incredible life changing cry. Instant tears. That sound could never get old. That sound is a life driving force. The moment we live for and ache to hear while we carry and grow our babies. I don't think there is another sound that can come close to touching the meanings and feelings that accompany that incredible miraculous sound. How grateful and fortunate and blessed I have been to hear that sound.

They handed him to me. My sweet perfect boy. I kissed him. He cried. I cried. I stared at his little self. He whimpered. I prayed unceasingly in my heart prayers of thanks. FOUR BOYS! I was a little stunned, but not surprised. I'm sure that doesn't make sense. But wow. He was here after a difficult and emotional pregnancy. So thankful. And he was so cute and so tiny and so mine. 7lbs 4oz.  21 inches. He reminded me of Jack as a baby. A small but noticeable amount of dark hair. Another newborn with blue eyes...selfishly praying it'll stick. And oh so perfectly pink and healthy!

Luke meeting his big brothers

Luke, we love you. We're so happy you're here.

3 Year Old on the Loose

We invited a few friends to help us celebrate Sam's birthday Friday night. Sam wanted a Rescue Bot cake, so I searched Pinterest hoping there would be something within my limited ability to deliver. Thankfully other moms had come up with a pretty simple way to create the cake. I had a sweet helper that loved to climb up behind me during the process. I started just squirting chocolate out on another piece of parchment paper trying to keep him from climbing all over me. It worked pretty well.

Sam's friends who came to his party were Cruz Hunnicutt, Mattie Jenkins, and of course Ella who he says is his best friend. They brought along their brothers and sisters which made for a fun and loud house! Patrick and I had a good time visiting, too.

Sam had been waiting for his birthday since Jack's birthday in September. He was always sad it wasn't his turn yet. So when the time came to sing to him and blow out his candles he was more than ready! We sang, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you," and he blew out his candles, haha. He was definitely the messiest eater of the cake. I don't think another kid had it all over them (or the floor) like he did.  He really enjoyed every bite. He'd been wanting a piece since I had frosted it the day before and asked for cake at each meal time.

Samuel Owen Big Boy (you like to be addressed this way),

You are our all boy boy. You love all things boy. Will and Jack were never into super heroes or wrestling until they were a lot older than 3. You have grown up watching them and loving all the things they love and thinking you are just as big as them. You have been a super chill, go-with-the-flow kid. You have probably been my easiest so far and take disappointments really well. You are so super sweet and most of the time have the best manners. You don't love sharing too much, but I'm betting you'll grow out of that. We love you so so much and are so happy we are a family.

Love,
Mom

Proud Momma

An email I received from Will's teacher today:

Proud of that little booger. <3 nbsp="">

8 year-old Wisdom

Talking with Will the other day about the baby

      "You're about to have 4 kids...that's a lot of responsibility."

 So so true, oh wise one.

Sam's Club

Do you want to go to Sam's club with me?

Yeah, at my club they have pizza. 

Spoiled? Just a tad. Those days are numbered, though. Might as well make the most of it while we can! I'm gonna miss our one-on-one time.

Will's Baptism Day

Will had been waiting patiently for his baptism day. We had postponed it from November when my Grandma Miller had started to really decline. He had been looking forward to this day, and we had spent a lot of time at home talking about baptism and the covenants we make with our Heavenly Father. Will had some very special people come to his baptism, and some of them traveled pretty far just to be there. His Great Grandma Mary Hitchcock, Two of his Great Aunts, Terry and his cousin Mariah, and Great Aunt Marsha and Uncle Mike. His Aunt Julee and Uncle Dan drove all the way from VA to be there, and they brought two of his favorite cousin friends Ceseley and Natalie.

 A couple weeks before his special day, Will decided who he would like to speak and what music he would like to sing. I made a program in photoshop (I had never done that before, big learning curve for me!) and he approved it. :) He also asked me to make a few of his favorite cookies to share with everyone for after the baptism, devils food cookies, lemon chunk, and chocolate chip. 

It was a simple and beautiful service. Will's feet popped up and he had to be immersed twice--something he had said he hoped wouldn't happen. His Nonna spoke on why it's important to be baptized and that when are we are promising to do our best to be like Jesus and help others. And his Pa talked about how it feels when the Holy Ghost talks to us and how we can recognize those good feelings and warnings and know who those promptings are coming from. When the Primary President gave Will a chocolate bar with a red pencil scripture marking pencil. She asked if he knew why we marked our scriptures. Jack raised his hand and he said, "So you know which ones you've read, and you never read them again."  It was pretty cute and funny. 

 We are so proud of him and the good young boy that he is. I know the Lord is proud of him too. Will is very caring and wants everyone to be happy and safe. He is almost always smiling and he really does try very hard to do his best and make good choices. Love him to pieces!

 Love these two best of friends

Brothers

This one just makes me smile. I love how Will is holding Sam's face to look at the camera.

Let's Go Predators!

The boys got Predators tickets for Christmas. I would have never thought they'd be as excited about that as they were. I figured it would be too far away from Christmas for them to get too excited. But I was wrong.

Last night we went to the game. I was dreading it a little bit, because it's been a busy and stressful week, and I'm tired. waa. I wondered a few times what I was thinking back in December when I got them and thought I'd have plenty of energy. Ha. I convinced Patrick to pay for parking. We usually park at Nissan football stadium and walk over the pedestrian bridge. It's not very far, and I usually enjoy the walk. Last night though I knew it would be so late and cold(low 30's) and my back had been killing me all day. So we parked about a block away at the Country Music Hall of Fame. *Side note* I have got to go there! Also Sam was already cheering before we got out of the car. He loves him so Predators! "Woo!"

We got to our seats just before the game started. The boys had been asking earlier  if we could get drinks and snacks and stuff. I'm super cheap and so is Patrick so purchasing refreshments at sporting events don't go hand in hand for us. But I know that is part of the fun. We told the kids they could each spend some of their own money if they wanted snacks. They thought that was a great idea! I told them how much drinks and snacks cost. They said, "Oh, that's not expensive!" Spoken like freeloaders.  I tried to explain that actually it is. But they were confident they were right. I mentioned how they needed to be wise with how they spent their money or they wouldn't have any to spend and Jack assuredly said," I am. I don't want to starve at the game, so that's using it wisely!" 😂😂😂 That cracked me up! 

They gave us free bakery cookies which were delicious when we arrived. Sam and I waisted no time eating ours...Gotta feed the babies! And since it was so important to them and they used their money I feel I need to document what they bought;

Will and Jack bought Pepsi to drink,  Jack bought a popcorn, and Will bought Sour Patch Kids. 

The kids loved the game and watching the Jumbotron. Sam would snuggle up close anytime the crowd cheered really loudly. I loved watching my guys faces as they took in all the atmosphere. That has to be one of the best parts about being a mom, seeing genuine excitement through a child's eyes. Towards the end, a clip from Star Wars came on the Jumbotron. Sam and Jack both got really excited! Sam watched in awe Yoda and Luke Skywalker. And when the music started, oh dear! Sam held up his pretend lightsaber and started moving it around. It was ADORABLE!! Patrick and I were cracking up. The music quickly ended and Sam turned to me, nearly in tears and frowning and said, "I really like that song." It was so pitifully sweet! That alone was worth the ticket.  

We left the game a little after 9. Jack was getting waaaaay tired, we were losing, and we wanted to beat the traffic. Will wanted to stay, no surprise there, he's the energizer bunny. Sam was pretty pooped too. Jack led the way back to the car and I think the cold weather helped give him a little booster to get to the van as fast as he could. He usually whines and wants to be carried, but tonight he was so mature about it. Proud of him!

So happy we could do this fun thing together before baby arrives. One of our last outings as a family of 5.

 I had to include this one too. We had all gotten on the escalator, or so I thought, when Will standing at the top and smiling sweetly as we were descending says, "I'm a little nervous about getting on." Patrick walked back up the steps and helped him. That made me smile, and think back to how when I was little, I loved riding escalators but the getting on and off part always made me a little nervous, too.  I thought it was sweet and grabbed a not great picture of it. Glad I did, because I'd already forgotten about it by this morning.

Samuel's EEG

Sam's EEG was today. I was really nervous about how he would handle it because even though he's pretty mellow and go-with-the-flow, he can also be a really spunky and feisty kid. He was only supposed to get 4-6 hours of sleep last night so I think that was really helpful in keeping him still, but I was worried it might go the other way and have him super angry and uncooperative. He laid very still and let the EEG Tech put all the electrodes on his head. He did his best to close his eyes and to blow on the pinwheel. When she asked him if he could try and fall asleep he nodded. She then asked if he wanted a pillow, he nodded. And lastly she asked if he wanted a blanket, he nodded. It took a few minutes but he fell right to sleep, thank goodness. I hated waking him up because I knew he was just so exhausted. But he had a pretty good attitude about that, and we washed his hair and went on to meet with the neurologist.

The neurologist read over his EEG and then gave us the results: epilepsy. Not surprising but still crappy to hear. We discussed different medications and things that had worked/helped with Will. We decided to start with depakote. I love/hate relationship with that drug. It helped so much with Will's seizures, but man, it is so hard on a body, especially the liver. Hopefully this will help with the atonic seizures he's been having and also hopefully hopefully hopefully prevent other seizures types from occurring. I will hang on to the hope that his seizures might not spiral out of control like Will's did. That his experience will be much much milder. That he will be able to grow out of this like we are hoping Will has/is.  We go back in 3 months to meet with our neurologist, Dr. Ess. Hopefully this will work and we won't need to see him before that.

Sam cried almost the whole way back home. He was soo tired and really getting hungry. We stopped and got him a gravy and biscuit, cinnamon raisin biscuit, and an orange juice on the way home. I sat him in my lap and fed him till he decided I was moving too slow and took the fork and finished feeding himself. He ate pretty much all of it, and only shared a few bites with me. I love this little spunky boy so much. I hope I can be what he needs.